Thursday, February 26, 2009

Grief Is a Strange Thing...

The grieving process is a strange thing. I can go for days, without thinking at all about my Sweet Daddy, and then boom, there it is, like a bolt of lightening it hits me. It's been almost 2 years, but still, like a punch to the stomach, it takes my breath away. He's gone, (of course I know he is so much better off) but this still doesn't always help. Not in the first moment when the grief strikes. Oh how I rejoice that he is in Heaven with Jesus!! That at this moment he is probably singing with the angels, or playing his guitar for some angel choir. How he loved playing the guitar. I just, in that one brief moment, want him here to hug me, to talk to me, call me that sweet nickname he always called me, but so often as a teenager I hated it.

I often think of the things I would talk to him about if I just had one more chance. I get so aggravated at the kids when they talk back to Phillip, or say disrespectful things to him. I think of every time I talked back to my Sweet Daddy as a teenager and I wish I could take it all back. What was I thinking? The other day I was cleaning out my closet and I found a t-shirt that made my eyes smart with tears. It was just a old ragged t-shirt from Old Navy, but it was something that I got on a family trip and everyone else got one too. I made me remember that happy time.

I found out in May of 2006 that Daddy had cancer. I spoke with his doctor in June, and he told me to spend as much time with daddy as I could. It was so hard for me, because you see, I lived in Connecticut and my family was all the way south, in Mississippi. Oh, how my heart ached. Phillip and I discussed how we would work it out, for me to spend time in Mississippi. I flew down there and spent 2 weeks, including my birthday. I tried to cherish every moment I could with my Daddy, I wanted to just curl up in his arms and stay there. You see I was Daddy's girl. He had always been there for me. He had always helped me and he thought I could do anything I put my mind too. What a wonderful man! In spring of 2007 my Sweet Daddy passed away. I got to spend a month, prior to his passing, with him. How I cherish those times. I had him sing to me, just like he did when I was a little girl. (I am so crying while writing this)

My daddy, gave me a wonderful example of how a Christian man should be. He had so much faith! He had faith that could move a mountain. I think I was probably 25 years old, before I realized that my daddy couldn't do everything.
It's getting to be that time of year again and I guess that's why I am thinking so much about him. It was the month of March that I spent with him last. He passed away in April. I can only imagine the beauty he is beholding! What a wonderful day that will be when we are reunited. I wasn't there when he drew his last breath, but I knew it had happened. How weird is that? I was at work and all the sudden I started crying, they let me go home, and when I got home, I called my mama and she told me that daddy was with Jesus. She just didn't know how to call me to tell me.

Psalms 1:1-6

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a stream planted by streams of water, which yields its fruits in season and whose leaf does not wither. What ever he does prospers. Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgement, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish."

This was one of my Daddy's favorite Psalms. I sometimes laugh when thinking of him, sometimes, I cry, but always, I know he loved me. Just think how much more our Heavenly Father must love us. It boggles the mind. Well, I feel I have rambled on enough for one night. Have a good night all.


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